Got back after my first night shift.
I'm glad I survived the long night.
As a new guy, there's pretty much nothing you're really useful for.
Moreover, it was a real peaceful night.
And so you lurk around to keep yourself occupy and awake.
You mingle around.
You ask questions.
You chit chat.
You go to the tea room to have your regular dose of caffeine.
You go to the smoking point for a smoke.
And then you head out into the unit again.
Up and down. Down and up.
You survived the silent hours.
That's graveyard shift for you.
That's how my first night shift went.
Warm up my car.
Skim through the traffic onto the highway.
Was doing hundred-and-ten on it.
Was back in hometown in fifteen.
Drop by hundred-sixty-three for a bowl of ke-kou-mee.
And shot up another strong dose of caffeine - kopi-c-ti-lo
Got home.
Suppose to play tennis.
Cancelled it in the end.
Decides to stay up till evening before i retire into my dreams.
While waiting
Switch on my laptop.
Log onto my blog.
Started writing my first night shift experience.
And so i concludes
it isn't as bad as i imagine it to be.
in fact it was pleasant. very pleasant.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Growing up - Part II
Good Friday + Easter Weekend = A long weekend before my shift commences a week from now. To be exact - 20th April 2009.
I will be lying if I say I'm not anxious, and at the same time, nervous about it. It was the kind of feeling whereby 'you're looking forward to it but not looking forward to it '.
The 'looking-forward' portion includes the smooth traffic, the monetary benefits and the flexible timing in a certain sense. And the 'not looking-forward' portion includes the irregular work hours, the no-more-weekend entertainment and the drift from social life. Anyhow, this is what I signed up for. I should not regret and I have no regrets.
And over the weekend, there were a couple of coffeeshop chats. And so we've concluded - Growing up is harsh.
There's too much details toward it. There's relationship and its process cycle. There's friendship and its maintenance. There's family. There's marriage. There's wedding dinner. There's mum and dad. There's mum-in-law and dad-in-law. There's babies. There's child's education. There's building up your own family. There's many thing, anything and everything. There's simply too much details to go through in a lifetime. It's simply too costly to make it perfect. And yes. "Costly" is definitely the word for perfection.
Everyone views perfection is many different ways. What is your perfection?
And the answer to perfection bound to be an expectation, in an indirect sense, that create pockets for disappointment.
We expect. Although there's really nothing wrong towards expecting. The only downside to expectation is that we often get ourselves disappointed.
Most people in our era knows nothing about fortunate. Most people in our era knows nothing about satisfaction. And most people in our era have no idea how pampered we actually are. We want more. More is good. More's always good. In the end, we never seems to get satisfied with our lives. In the end, we got so disappointed by the act of our own actions. In the end, we got stuck in a pit without any knowledge how to get out from. We are a slave to our own doing.
On another note, we are cultured in such a way where there's always room for improvement. "You're good. Well done for this or that project. But nevertheless, there's always room for improvement." Simply said, it's never going to be good enough, and so we never feel good enough. We never ever feel satisfied. And so we continue to strive for the better. The best part is, there's nothing wrong with it, and in fact it's a good trait. The worst part is, slowly and surely, we become a slave to another doing.
Sounds pretty contradicting and confusing isn't it?
Growing up, by itself, is already a very harsh matter. Expectation simply makes growing up even more harsh. And these expectations open up many pockets for disappointment. There's probably only one solution towards this imbalance equation - omit the expectation.
Yet again, another problem arises... Can we really not have any expectations to begin with?
I will be lying if I say I'm not anxious, and at the same time, nervous about it. It was the kind of feeling whereby 'you're looking forward to it but not looking forward to it '.
The 'looking-forward' portion includes the smooth traffic, the monetary benefits and the flexible timing in a certain sense. And the 'not looking-forward' portion includes the irregular work hours, the no-more-weekend entertainment and the drift from social life. Anyhow, this is what I signed up for. I should not regret and I have no regrets.
And over the weekend, there were a couple of coffeeshop chats. And so we've concluded - Growing up is harsh.
There's too much details toward it. There's relationship and its process cycle. There's friendship and its maintenance. There's family. There's marriage. There's wedding dinner. There's mum and dad. There's mum-in-law and dad-in-law. There's babies. There's child's education. There's building up your own family. There's many thing, anything and everything. There's simply too much details to go through in a lifetime. It's simply too costly to make it perfect. And yes. "Costly" is definitely the word for perfection.
Everyone views perfection is many different ways. What is your perfection?
And the answer to perfection bound to be an expectation, in an indirect sense, that create pockets for disappointment.
We expect. Although there's really nothing wrong towards expecting. The only downside to expectation is that we often get ourselves disappointed.
Most people in our era knows nothing about fortunate. Most people in our era knows nothing about satisfaction. And most people in our era have no idea how pampered we actually are. We want more. More is good. More's always good. In the end, we never seems to get satisfied with our lives. In the end, we got so disappointed by the act of our own actions. In the end, we got stuck in a pit without any knowledge how to get out from. We are a slave to our own doing.
On another note, we are cultured in such a way where there's always room for improvement. "You're good. Well done for this or that project. But nevertheless, there's always room for improvement." Simply said, it's never going to be good enough, and so we never feel good enough. We never ever feel satisfied. And so we continue to strive for the better. The best part is, there's nothing wrong with it, and in fact it's a good trait. The worst part is, slowly and surely, we become a slave to another doing.
Sounds pretty contradicting and confusing isn't it?
Growing up, by itself, is already a very harsh matter. Expectation simply makes growing up even more harsh. And these expectations open up many pockets for disappointment. There's probably only one solution towards this imbalance equation - omit the expectation.
Yet again, another problem arises... Can we really not have any expectations to begin with?
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Growing and Aging
Growing up is a scary matter. It scares the shit out of me when I realise I'm growing up and there ain't a way to stop it.
There are more expectations of you, there are more people around you, there are more things you want to achieve etc. when you grew older. The quality improves. The quantity increases. And that's just about everything we see, we touch and we want.
It's all about getting out from that comfort zone and throw back into reality. Get slapped by it and to a new comfort zone, then back to reality again. And the cycle continues.
A major portion of growing up revolves around change. We don't like it. We fear it. But we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind.
It hurts to grow. And anybody who tells you that it doesn't, is lying. But here's the underlying truth about it. Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes. Sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything.
At some point our lives, we have to make that one decision. There bound to be boundaries around the decision. And these boundaries don't keep other people out; they fence you in.
Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.
Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take your chances, the view from the other side is spectacular. Even if it isn't, you know never to cross that line once more.
There are more expectations of you, there are more people around you, there are more things you want to achieve etc. when you grew older. The quality improves. The quantity increases. And that's just about everything we see, we touch and we want.
It's all about getting out from that comfort zone and throw back into reality. Get slapped by it and to a new comfort zone, then back to reality again. And the cycle continues.
A major portion of growing up revolves around change. We don't like it. We fear it. But we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind.
It hurts to grow. And anybody who tells you that it doesn't, is lying. But here's the underlying truth about it. Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes. Sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything.
At some point our lives, we have to make that one decision. There bound to be boundaries around the decision. And these boundaries don't keep other people out; they fence you in.
Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.
Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take your chances, the view from the other side is spectacular. Even if it isn't, you know never to cross that line once more.
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